Good evening God

I tried to write this post twice before, but started off with “hey”.

Not your choice of greetings?

God, I have to be honest, because whether I am or not, I have a feeling you will know.

I went into spiritual depletion.

I toured and trolled this virtual earth for the right answer to you.

I checked out raw diets and it was only days later, I noted there was little reference to you. Don’t eat sugars because they rot your teeth.

Ok. I’m old enough now to see the wisdom in that.

Yet, you intended for us to have this free food, no?

I don’t eat meat God. Just can’t get the hang of it. Don’t know how to divorce the picture of an animal that has family tendencies from what lands on the plate. Yet I will cook it, for anyone that visits, that needs meat.

I eat seafood. And yes, I stuggle, because there is a huge contradiction in what I believe and what I do. But I have to admit, there were moments in my life where I stuggled eating vegetables because I thought I heard them scream.

I read in one of Sylvia Brown’s books that we don’t have to eat when we pass on, and I resisted that. Now, I’m not so sure why I did as I was afraid that eating vegetables I could hear them while I chewed.

Mark it down to mental deficiency.

Fine by me.

God, I spiraled.

So convinced I was anti-religion that I began to actually seek comfort in what I grew with, Catholic doctrine.

I did something new this week though. I spiraled and crashed and then gave it to you.

I lost a case in Court and I was baffled that no one in the room cared that what occurred was improper and I got in my car, developed a migraine and then stopped…..I had promised to give it to you, no matter what, to guide me. Once I realized that and handed it over again, I smiled and I remembered to thank you for my smile.

So God, I don’t know what to follow. I’m not even good at being faithful to my belief in you. But I’m telling you what you already know, aren’t I?

I need you.

I know that much.

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